Announcing I was pregnant

I had just finished my PhD so I was tired of people asking me "how's it going?"people. So I didn't want to add being pregnant to a new list of questions. And my husband and I were enjoying having the secret to ourselves. As a result we only announced the pregnancy around 4 months.

I was also putting it off because I was trying to get a job, a postdoc. Everyone told me they couldn't not hire me because I was pregnant. But I just felt guilty because my boss-to-be was a friend and really helping me out by motivating for the position. I felt like I was letting him down because I was going to be less productive then I could have been once I had the little one.

Well, I put it off and put it off...And worried and worried...And it was all not worth it. When I finally told the head of school, my PhD supervisor and boss-to-be they were nothing but happy and supportive. Looking back now I don't know why I worried.

I think part of me felt weak for wanting something so "girly" in a field where careers and field work and papers and discoveries, and not family are the focus. But everyone has been so welcoming to this new little member of our geophysics family.

Being a woman in science

There are pros and cons to this.

The con is that a surprisingly few number of geoscience women have kids. So many are surprised to hear you want kids. This added to my awkwardness when I had to announce I was pregnant. But that all fell awake when my announcement was met with nothing but joy. It made my first visit to the department an interesting one though when my little one was 6 weeks. The majority of the scientists were too scared to hold her for fear of breaking her! It was the admin staff, students with younger siblings and the few staff with kids who ventured closer.

The pro was that so many women leave the field of science when they have a family, that universities are trying really hard to he accommodating. My PhD supervisor, my host and the head of my department were phenomenal. They never made me feel guilty, and even were ok with my 9 month old coming to meetings and making noise. I can never thank them enough.

Being a working mom

Don't get me wrong, by no stretch of the imagination was I a proper 9-5 working mom. But I got a small taste of what it must be like. And I no longer judge mom's who choose nannies and formula.

Everyone talks about the guilt of being a working mom. Guilt that you are leaving your child, but knowing you need the job to provide for the family. I had the other type of guilt. Because I had the most amazing boss in the world and could work from home I had the guilt that I wasn't working enough! Especially after having done an MSc and PhD where all you learn is to feel guilty that you aren't working hard enough.

I must admit I was excited for.my.little one to start daycare because she loves time with other kids. Though I admit I realised I loved watching her with other kids even more...which you don't see at all when they are at daycare! You just see the tears at either end, at the drop off and tears of relief at the pick up. Probably not a wise thing to have started daycare during the 8/9 month separation anxiety phase!

Putting baby to sleep

I have a weak back and so I didn't want to have to walk or rock my little one to sleep. As a result every time she fell asleep was on my boob with me lying on the bed. This obviously made it difficult for others to put her to sleep! But they eventually managed (in grannys arms; being pushed in a pram with a bottle by aunty; on the bed with a bottle by daddy). Maybe I was too lazy, but it was just so darn convenient and so little effort. And trust me...when you are having to do it at least 3 or 4 times a day for several months, convenience becomes important.

All the books say put them to sleep while they are still awake so they learn to fall asleep unassisted

Lies!!!!

The slightest motion or change in pressure and my little one often would wake screaming. Be it teething or a sore tummy or just a light sleeper, nothing I did made a difference. Some days I gave up after 5 or 10 tries and just let her sleep on me or next to me. It was just not worth the frustration.

Often I got cross at this point as I reminded myself that "everyone says I must put her in the cot"! Then I had to remind myself that everyone wasn't here dealing with this situation and I went a bit easier on myself.

I must admit that she stopped being such a "picky sleeper" once we did a bit of sleep training. I could finally put her in the cot, have her wake and look at me, and then go back to sleep without crying. Though it did take her crying twice for an hour and 45 min to reach this point. And then she caught a cold and we were back to square one and I didn't have the heart to sleep train again.

Update:

I wrote the above blurb when my daughter was less than a year, and she is now about to turn 3. With a bit of hindsight I can say:

- if I could go back I would not sleep train

- if I could go back I would have never tried to put her in a cot

My daughter is the type of kid that just needs love, love and more love and affection. If you try and maker her do what you want and leave her to cry, trust me, she will not stop crying until you give up and give in to her. Give her love and support and listen to her and she will flourish and do what you want in the end (with a bit of bribery).

I only stopped breast feeding her at 23 months, and that was because she was finally ready to stop. I was ready at 12 months, if not earlier.

She continued to sleep on top or next to me most nights, waking throughout the night for bottle. I think it is because of her sensory issues and she wasnt really wanting bottle but the assurance mom was still there.

At 2 and a half years we stayed in an airbnb where she had her own room and she loved it! (Even though I slept on the bed with her). Ever since then we have carved out a corner in our room for her as her room. She barely comes to our bed now. Unfortunately though, almost every morning I land up on the bean bag next to her bed as she is a very light sleeper from 4am. Initially I would have her on top of me every morning, now she may come for a few minutes and then retreat to her bed.

All of this is proof that love and tenderness and not strictness and rules can result in a happy, confident kid.

And while I don't miss her on top of me all night long, I kinda do. And I treasure the moments when I see the dark, small figure launching off her bed onto me on the bean bag at 4am.

Expressing

I am sorry, but I no longer think there is any logic to breastfeeding and milk production

When it comes to expressing they say pump more and you will produce more. I say pump more and you will land up with a despondent mom who has spent the last 20 minutes not relaxing as she should have been, with only 20 ml of milk to show for it.

If your kid is anything like mine, she drinks double what I could express. I would come home after an afternoon meeting and time away from her...pump...and get minimal milk. The only way I retained my sanity was to feed her once I got home (goodbye whatever milk was left) and then wait for the night...

Babies in general eat less at night (though they like to wake you up all the time to feed!), so I would feed her off of one boob and "keep" the other boob. Then in the morning it was rock hard with milk and I would quickly get 150 ml.

I had to carefully time this morning pump so thatI still had enough milk to get her back to sleep for her mid morning nap
and as she got older she realised I was "stealing" her milk. She would get very upset and insist on feeding while I pumped (quite an arm full). So I had to make sure she was in a mood to entertain herself while I didn't these morning pumps.

I don't know how I would have done any of this if I had a 8-5 job. I really think the only way to survive as a working mom is breastfeed during maternity leave and then go on to formula.

Another common recommendation with breastfeeding is the more you drain a breast the more it fills up again...my "saving a boob" during a night goes against this logic but it is the only way I have found. I am just not patient enough to pump only 20 ml in 20 min, 5 times a day. Who had that sort of time?

Breastfeeding bras

Another thing that unnecessarily stressed me out!

They are ridiculously expensive so I didn't want to get the wrong size. My midwife said it could take up to 6 weeks after birth for your boobs to "reach their new normal". So I was prepared to wait! Which just.meant 6 weeks of admin with pre-baby bras!

A general rule of thumb is go.one size up. So I used to be a 36C and now am 38D. Although the 38 was a bit tight initially so I also got 40D but they feel a bit big (and the 38 stretched a bit and is now comfortable)

Having a newborn and visitors

I struggled with this in the beginning...

I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in front of people, so the first two weeks felt like a fine tuned tight rope walk...making sure Beth had slept and fed before people came to visit so they could get max time with her and I wouldn't have to leave the room after 5 minutes. It was exhausting and stressful

You have to realise if people see her for 5 minutes that is more then enough...and people in general are very understanding and don't expect more than that. Don't put the pressure on yourself

Teething

Ignore all the adverts or what friends say, Amber necklaces, Ashton and Parsons powder and prodol are not enough!

Just give your kid panado or better yet, empaped suppositories! Cause then you don't have to worry about them spitting it back up or being allergic to preservatives in panado

Bum rash - sensitive bums

1. Beth reacts to sudocrem...literally resulted in a luminous red bum! Had to use a steroid based cream to fix it (stop itch)

2. I was very happy when our pediatrician told us not to do an antibiotic cream

3. She recommended just an antifungal cream (nystasid). My sister recommended a cheaper antifungal cream (medaspor), but when I started seeing beth going a little bit more red I gave up on that one and went back to the pediatricians cream.

4. We are currently testing out whether corn starch helps. But I read somewhere you gotta be careful if it's a yeast infection, cause cornstarch will make it worse.

Well, that was a fail! Her bum was even reder after 30 min than before! Was it the corn (she seems to have a slight intolerance when she eats it) or just the powder rubbing her bum?

5. With a runny tummy I get so tired of wiping her red bum. I read that washing them with water and dissolved baking soda helps...so I do that...not sure if it makes a difference? But it is a good excuse to have to air dry afterwards, which also helps with the rash. It is difficult to keep a towel under her though when she is crawling :) so we have had a few mishaps on the carpet