Death of a parent

So many kids movies deal with the loss of a parent

This article talks all about it:

http://mentalfloss.com/…/59…/27-motherless-disney-characters

After watching the movie Finding Dory (in which Dory loses and tries to find her parents), any time my daughter sees a sad character on tv she turns to me and asks if they want their mommy. Even when our cat comes in meowing she says he is sad cause he wants his mommy.

I remember feeling the same way when I was young, and crying myself to sleep many-a-night in primary school because I was afraid of loosing my mom.

Is this a legitimate worry/phase all kids go through or is it exacerbated in some kids by tv? Is Hollywood making money off of pulling our kids heart strings at an age when they cannot emotional process what this all means? You can't tell me Hollywood has the best interest of our kids at the forefront of their business model?

In our family we will try stick with Minions for as long as we can. There is death in Minion movies but a dinosaur falling off a cliff into a fiery pit doesn't seem too bad. Even Despicable Me has orphans!!! My psychologist recommend only showing kids movies where parents die after the age on 9.

Breastfeeding

My cousin and I gave birth two months apart and we both agreed that everyone lies about breastfeeding. They say if it hurts you are doing it wrong. But it will hurt the first few days. If it's still hurting after a week or so then get hold of a lactation consultant. I was sore the first few days cause Beth was sucking hard to get the collostrum out cause its thick. Once my normal milk came in after two or three days it is more runny so she didn't have to suck as hard and it wasn't sore. If they get cracked you can put nipple cream on or coconut oil.

The next thing no one really emphasises is how sore it can be when "your milk comes in". Literally after the first two or three days the collostrum dissapears and the proper milk starts...And your breasts become very full! So full it hurts! And you feel a bit helpless.

The easy solution would have been to use a breastpump to release the pressure but
I had been reading a lot of natural baby literature that said you shouldn't use a breast pump before 6 weeks cause it can mess up your milk supply. You should rather wait for your milk supply to become established.

I have since realised this is nonsense cause milk supply can be so random anyway (affected by sleep and whether you took your vitamin supplement or not etc), and secondly who cares if you have too much milk (becaused by pumping), that is a blessing! You can just freeze the excess.

So I was left standing in a shower self expressing (as shown on YouTube) because I was convinced that wouldn't mess up my milk supply), storing cabbage leaves in the fridge in case I got mastitis (from a blocked milk duct).

I should have just pumped and then would have realised what I realised 6 weeks later...that I didn't have enough milk anyway! But thankfully there was brewers yeast for that!

Food intolerance

If you suspect your little one has food problems then you should think about starting an exclusion diet for them and for you if you are still breastfeeding.

Also, here is the food table, with for example butter having the least dairy and milk the most: http://intolerantoffspring.com/tips-and-tidbits/joneja-allergen-chart.html

Some extra tips
1. Start by going off dairy and if that doesn't help try soya, gluten, egg and peanuts
2. Go off it for two weeks and then see if you notice a difference
3. After 2 weeks reintroduce a small amount of the food. If the little one reacts then stop (can take up to 24 hrs to react). If they don't react then try the food for 2 more days to make sure they don't react.  Don't change anything else about your diet or theirs for those 3 days or else you won't know what caused a reaction.
4. Dairy intolerance and lactose intolerance are different. All breast milk contains lactose (carbohydrate sugar), so if your baby is lactose intolerant they would have to go on to formula. A dairy intolerance means you can't process casein and whey, the proteins in dairy. These products are some times in food and listed as casein and whey, not dairy, so just be careful
5. There is a difference between an allergy and intolerance. An allergy can be very severe and can be determined from a skin prick test. An intolerance isn't severe and can result in eczema, bloating, gas etc. There is a blood test for these but they are a few thousand and can only be done after 18 months
6. Keeping a good journal can help

Sleep training - night time

I put this off for 4 months (they say you should sleep train from 6 months) until my husband collected up a blanket and went to sleep in the lounge (and I hadn't slept well for a week and a half). I was pretty convinced the wriggling and jiggling at night was no longer her tummy (though now I'm not sure). So at 3:30 am after my husband had gone to the lounge it began...And ended a semi disaster with my little one asleep in my arms at 5:30.

I have come to realise that sleep training is ready about a battle of wills. We had success at it during the day and it is such a pleasure now to put my little one down in her cot during the day drowsy and she goes to sleep by herself. But we still aren't there during the night.

My suggestions:
1. Only try this when little one is well...in retrospect my little one had been miserable for two days, so it was probably a bad idea
2. Get the other spouse to sleep in another room so you aren't worrying about them
3. Singing a song constantly. It helps keep you sane and let's baby know you are there when they don't want you touching them. Hopefully baby still come to know this song and associate it with sleep time
4. Pick up baby if they get absolutely hysterical...that is where we were at 5am, and she just wouldn't settle, and there were barely any gaps between the cries. I probably should have picked her up sooner
5. My little one doesn't like to be touched when she is upset...So I try not to get in her space...hence the song. Initially before she got too upset I would stroke her, or gently tap her, or just have the weight of my hand on her chest
6. Initially she kept trying to get up. Instead of putting her back down by picking her up by her arms, I instead rotated her bum. This made sure I didn't confuse her cause she might have thought I was gonna pick her up, which would have disappointed her and lead to more crying.

The thing I struggle with with sleep training is...If little one cries for an hour and half before falling asleep...then that is effectively the same amount of time as if I had just got up and played with her to make her tired, saving us a lot of tears. But I suppose the whole idea is that they are learning to put themselves to sleep, not you soothing them to sleep.

Postnatal Info Brochure

This is a link to a brochure I got from my hospital/clinic when I left with my newborn

Pg 1
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B9In9AOnWyDRX2NMY2kzQmszdDg
Pg 2
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B9In9AOnWyDRWW5CRmZTSW41Rjg

Announcing I was pregnant

I had just finished my PhD so I was tired of people asking me "how's it going?"people. So I didn't want to add being pregnant to a new list of questions. And my husband and I were enjoying having the secret to ourselves. As a result we only announced the pregnancy around 4 months.

I was also putting it off because I was trying to get a job, a postdoc. Everyone told me they couldn't not hire me because I was pregnant. But I just felt guilty because my boss-to-be was a friend and really helping me out by motivating for the position. I felt like I was letting him down because I was going to be less productive then I could have been once I had the little one.

Well, I put it off and put it off...And worried and worried...And it was all not worth it. When I finally told the head of school, my PhD supervisor and boss-to-be they were nothing but happy and supportive. Looking back now I don't know why I worried.

I think part of me felt weak for wanting something so "girly" in a field where careers and field work and papers and discoveries, and not family are the focus. But everyone has been so welcoming to this new little member of our geophysics family.

Being a woman in science

There are pros and cons to this.

The con is that a surprisingly few number of geoscience women have kids. So many are surprised to hear you want kids. This added to my awkwardness when I had to announce I was pregnant. But that all fell awake when my announcement was met with nothing but joy. It made my first visit to the department an interesting one though when my little one was 6 weeks. The majority of the scientists were too scared to hold her for fear of breaking her! It was the admin staff, students with younger siblings and the few staff with kids who ventured closer.

The pro was that so many women leave the field of science when they have a family, that universities are trying really hard to he accommodating. My PhD supervisor, my host and the head of my department were phenomenal. They never made me feel guilty, and even were ok with my 9 month old coming to meetings and making noise. I can never thank them enough.